[to do]

I have not been on top of things. Or, I have only been on top of some things. My 'to do' list grows every time I get a chance to cross something off.
I am having the most difficult time mustering any energy. It is all talking myself into action.
The bunnies have been really good the last week and even though they keep escaping their cage at night or while I'm at work, they aren't destroying anything. They help. When I get home from work I lay on the ground and wiggle my nose and let them hop on me and sometimes Beaumont gives my ankle a little nibble. I don't know why. It makes me feel better. If they keep up their good behavior I may let them be free range bunnies. Well, as free range as my studio allows. This morning when Parsnip saw that I was awake she binkied just a little (<3)

The dishes desperately need to be done. There are maybe seven in the sink and no matter how much I tell myself now that I'll do them tonight, I do not. And taking a shower. I need to do that. I get so anxious just thinking about it. I don't understand my anxiety toward showers. Once I am in I am fine but getting there feels impossible.

Eight days until I fly to Rhode Island. I know that a lot of my anxiety and mood swings of late are due to the sudden absence of James. It isn't just that I miss him and grew so accustomed to his company. It's also that he and I move through our lives in unbelievable harmony. For the last nine months my life has been safe, stable, and beautiful. It is still safe and beautiful but for whatever reason, by myself, I tend toward erratic behaviors and seem unable to stick to even bare habits/orders in my day. With James it is easy to have a loose schedule for the week, flexible within parameters that keep both of us sane. The last three weeks have been me eating/not eating at weird hours, sleeping badly, hiding at home more than usual, and feeling in a general funk. He balances me out. I know it. I just need to find a better way to manage for the next four months.

I might just do a lot of venting and re-ordering of thoughts here for a while. Is that normally what this is anyway?
I have a headache and I am very glad it is nearly friday.