I know why there is an eating disorder for me. Aside from the culture and the pre-existing neurons that are twisted in whatever vengeful way. Sometimes I feel a pulling, a collapsing inside my chest. ( A therapist once read the words back to me from his notepad and implied me melodramatic). It aches- My body, I mean. It lasts seconds or minutes or days. I want to inhale and inhale and inhale and cease. Very small, this is how it transfers into the tangible world. I want to be so small, so miniscule that the feeling must lessen or devour me easily. I don’t want anything. It feels like this lately, a lot. The electric shivers that start in my brain and trickle toward my feet- pins and needles under my flesh. I want to be done feeling these and done feeling disconnected.