Tuesday, March 30, 2010


my insides are becoming a bit more complicated lately. just in the sense that they are not able to find a happy medium. a good balance. oh, that's all I really want.
I am finding it easier to be awake when I am not taking so much of the seroquel but the in between is a bit more difficult. it's too obvious. plus all the samples are running running out and I am not sure what to do. I can't afford this stuff. maybe there's something else that will chill me out and be cheap. Like copious amounts of drugs? joke. probably expensive anyway...

summer time almost and most of me is having a hard time mustering up enthusiasm. for anything. I feel floaty and disconnected. everything is flat lately. even my face is muted. I keep putting on more shimmyer highlighter but it still looks so gray. the face i mean. this body is also muted though. sunshine in a bottle though, working maybe? and my hair is muddy or something. It's hard to see the brights all around when looking at myself evokes feelings of blah. I am trying though, or trying to try. quitting several things lately. maybe that will help. maybe it won't.
bunnies meeting kitties this weekend.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

[bunnies boobs and trips]

The bunnies are doing very well. Soft and playful. They are getting better and better about their litter box too. As long as I continue to be diligent with picking up stray poops and putting them in the box. I have to buy some bigger boxes for the living room because when they can't lounge in them they end up peeing on the floor. ack. Last night I played fetch with Parsnip for half an hour. She really likes my bras (the silky ones) and will run all the way down the hall with one in her mouth, it's like ten times her size- so, cute. James and his cats will be moving in this weekend or next. I am excited to see the animals getting along. I am really really hoping that they will get in the habit of laying in a big soft pile on the end of my bed. and then, then I'll get an italian greyhound and he'll join the soft things pile, and then a chicken and it'll get in there too. oh man. It'll be sort of like my bowerbirds shirt but not. Although them laying on my head would be cute too!

Speaking of bras. None of mine fit. again. pft! I measured the important parts and according to the wise internet bra measuring gods I am a J or like a Dx6 or some other too ridiculous size. What is a girl to do? Nordstrom this weekend probably. But just one or two bras will be bought. I'll be a G in a couple months and then something inbetween for a month and then back again after that. Silly breasts don't have a clue what they are doing. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't have to keep spending so much money on such things.

With James moving in and us splitting my rent ($282 each!) we'll be saving bundles. In honour of it and uh, just because, we've decided to take a trip to New York in July (21-27). We found some steals with tickets and because James used to live there he has a bunch of friends that want to put us up! I've never been to New York or a major US city for that matter and am way excited. James is going to urban planner/ history it up for me probably and I'll know everything by the time I leave. Fun. Also, Sara and anyone else living around should catch a drink with us.

This weekend is going to be beautiful again (upper 60's, sunny) and we're going to the Seattle Cask Festival. Silly drunkenness i'm sure. Breakfast on Sunday with my oldest brother. And wedding fabric shopping with my sister and mom... loveliness

If I figure out some sort of camera thing I'll show you one million photos of my sweet bunns.

Friday, March 12, 2010


This month has been a little strange. My head and body are confused, or something. Life continues to progress beautifully but I've started feeling anxious and depressed on a regular basis again. Not terrible but it feels like the beginnings of so many other times. When I'm alone my panic attacks are so unmanageable. My evenings are getting harder too. By the time I get home from work I'm sobbing and trying to put myself together before James and I enjoy our night. It doesn't always happen and he's perfect but I'm frustrated at dampening things. Falling asleep is probably the worst. Why is it always the worst? And for about a week now I've been crying right after I wake up. Fuck. I do not want to start this again. As soon as I get to the point where I can't make it out the door in a timely fashion...

It feels like my meds are suddenly failing. I wish I had health insurance. Going to a free clinic is so frustrating and often useless... I'm not sure.

My life, objectively, is completely beautiful. I wish my head wouldn't muddle things so much.
I just hate feeling this insecure and this depressed. It's so hard to do all the things I Love to do. I don't know. I'm going to have to figure this out because I refuse to let it suffocate me.

see beautiful life:

Beaumont Wilshire and Parsnip

Sunday, March 7, 2010

[bunnies bunnies bunnies]

James and I are now the proud parents of two sweet-soft mini rex's!

Meet Beaumont Wilshire and Parsnip! oooh the photos that will be forced upon you in volumes...

Saturday, March 6, 2010

[currents: March]


feeling it all

Current Album:

Current Film:

Current shame-inducing guilty pleasure:

the internet, so much.

Current Links:







Current Drink:


fresh juices and wheatgrass!

Current fetish:

Current wish list



Current Song:

Always Bowerbirds, all day every day.

Current Triumph:

Genuinely being genuinely full of Joy

Current celebrity crush:

Did I say that the show in the living room was perfect (as always) and changed my life again. and I love talking to him.

Current indulgence:

Current excitement:

all things james

Current Mood:

all over the place.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

[tummies bunnies and roots]

I am freezing and sore (Lots of toning and weights these last several weeks) today. But I look super-lovely-cutes, good sweater you know. . burr though. buuurrrrr.

Update on my tummy/digestion: Soy free has been relatively successful. When I go 4 or 5 days without I feel somewhat lot better but I'm also noticing my stomach feeling very wonky regardless . I don't know. It's a but frustrating. I think I'll be able to continue consuming soy products but in much lower irregular amounts. Drinking hemp/almond/rice latte's now. It's okay. (insert sad face- I love my soy!) I drink 16-24oz of fresh fruit/veggie juices every day and 2oz wheat grass shots (all free- yea work). I've also just started taking 'Essential Daily Enzymes' before every meal. It's only been a week with those so hopefully that'll help. I'm not really sure. Maybe IBS, maybe I just have sensitive insides. Maybe nothing. It's not like I can really investigate too much with no health insurance. meh

After work today I'm going to Seattle Central CC to begin the registration process, or at least as much as I can do, to prepare for fall quarter. Exciting! I want so badly to be in school.

Also, oh, oh, oh! I have such a yearning for new bunnies! All the freaking time! Do you think it would really be that awful to have a James, two ginger cats, and two bunnies in my 385sqf studio? I feel like holding out until August when my lease is up is suddenly AWFUL and why would I have ever thought I could go that long rabbitless?

Cooking lots of rutabaga's, golden beets, parsnips, and brussel sprouts. i love winter!