Trying to post off my phone does not allow me more than a few hundred characters. So now a computer, now a full post with depressing details. But bullet points because letting myself rest on any one of these for more than a moment or two is entirely too much:
+I only dream about them. Sometimes it his him leaving me again and again. sometimes it is him explaining my numerable faults. sometimes it is her being herself and me helpless. It tarnishes my days. I cannot get away from it. They are so vivid. I want a no-dream potion.
+He is with her now or still or what have you. And they are 'in love' and he is 'the happiest he's ever been' now that he's with her.
+I still have not seen him even for a second since he left me. He refuses and I am tired.
+He cleared out our bank account and despite making close to $3,000 a month, claims he can't help me at all financially because he just doesn't have any money.
+ The few times we have spoken on the phone it has become clear that he could care less about anything having to do with me. He has been hurtful each time, not the tiniest bit empathetic or apologetic. It has been as if I did something horrible and wrong.
+I am moved back in to my parents house. In my sisters old room. with my bunny and all my stuff.
+I am bussing between downtown for work and their house on weekdays.
+I love my work
+I am so emotionally exhausted that I've sort of turned into a terrible friend. I simply cannot muster up any real empathy for anyone right now.
+I spend most of my time at work colouring in my harry potter colouring book. I have only been reading the lightest, most whimsical books, and as soon as i get home to the time I go to sleep I have been watching LOST in bed. I simply cannot handle letting myself delve any deeper into me.
+All the momentum I had, all the hope, and faith, has become very convoluted and watery. It's there but I just can't feel it enough to do anything.
+I'll be in my own apartment by the beginning of August and I'll be okay. I know that. I just want these things to not be so terrible and constant.
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3 comments:
I know that this seems trite but there will come a day when this will no longer hurt; when you'll know for certain that you've done nothing to deserve this. I'm very sorry that you're going through this and I hope you're feeling awesome again soon.
I can't believe this could happen to someone so lovely.
I want to cry.
but this means we are neighbors again... meet me soon?
Lucy~ we are! and the beach is so close to us both, we should meet in the sand.
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