Tuesday, November 30, 2010

[i know]

I know why there is an eating disorder for me. Aside from the culture and the pre-existing neurons that are twisted in whatever vengeful way. Sometimes I feel a pulling, a collapsing inside my chest. ( A therapist once read the words back to me from his notepad and implied me melodramatic).  It aches- My body, I mean. It lasts seconds or minutes or days. I want to inhale and inhale and inhale and cease. Very small, this is how it transfers into the tangible world. I want to be so small, so miniscule that the feeling must lessen or devour me easily. I don’t want anything. It feels like this lately, a lot. The electric shivers that start in my brain and trickle toward my feet- pins and needles under my flesh.  I want to be done feeling these and done feeling disconnected.

1 comment:

Angela said...

I can really relate to this post, and I don't think it is melodramatic at all. They are real and valid feelings. I hope things get better for you.
Take care:)