Wednesday, November 19, 2008

[and numbers and numbers and numbers]

I have been having the hardest time waking up lately. The house is quiet except for the heater and outside is gray and windless.

I weighed/measured myself today. Which is always stupid, I already know. My weight effects me less than you would think. The numbers always look so unfathomable that I'm just in some sort of disbelief. My measurements are what seem more tangible and cry-over worthy. On some side however, my waist has stayed exactly the same (huge) through the last twentyish pounds. So, that's... something? Everything else grows around it. I don't want to be writing about this but I'd really rather not be thinking about it. Sometimes I am convinced that if I stop writing or talking about it, it will all go away. It does not.

Unrelated, I hope. My period is still absent. What is this, seven months, eight? It feels weird. I mean, generally this sort of think lasts four or five months and then I get it for two and then four or five months nothing again.... I know there have been a few years where I did not get my period at all but I was so unhealthy than. I just, I feel like my body is fighting me on every step. I want to eat a few meals in one day and not feel completely nauseous. This is silly.

No comments: