[dull]

This month has been a little strange. My head and body are confused, or something. Life continues to progress beautifully but I've started feeling anxious and depressed on a regular basis again. Not terrible but it feels like the beginnings of so many other times. When I'm alone my panic attacks are so unmanageable. My evenings are getting harder too. By the time I get home from work I'm sobbing and trying to put myself together before James and I enjoy our night. It doesn't always happen and he's perfect but I'm frustrated at dampening things. Falling asleep is probably the worst. Why is it always the worst? And for about a week now I've been crying right after I wake up. Fuck. I do not want to start this again. As soon as I get to the point where I can't make it out the door in a timely fashion...

It feels like my meds are suddenly failing. I wish I had health insurance. Going to a free clinic is so frustrating and often useless... I'm not sure.

My life, objectively, is completely beautiful. I wish my head wouldn't muddle things so much.
I just hate feeling this insecure and this depressed. It's so hard to do all the things I Love to do. I don't know. I'm going to have to figure this out because I refuse to let it suffocate me.

see beautiful life:

Beaumont Wilshire and Parsnip