[invention]

what I expected and spent and small amount of time worrying and crying over, was the past. Silly how our flesh remembers the indents and stress of everything before. When Tyler would leave,even just for work (12+hours), I would become frantic, desperate even. My head would spin and sometimes my stomach would knot itself in so much that I would vomit. Everything would be flashing and loud and sharp and I could not remedy myself no matter what.
I felt intensely lonely all the time.

James has been gone for two days and things are fine, or okay, or boring. But I am good. I do not feel on the verge of breaking each piece of me. I do not feel alone or scared at all. I miss him and I wish we could be doing everything and saying more but.
Yesterday we spoke on the phone 4 or 5 times. We are actually good on the phone. He is excited about what he is doing and misses me and I am excited for him and am so glad to be able to squash his worries or insecurities about anything stressful in his job. He is so good at finding all the silly small things I talk about interesting, even across the country.

I imagine a healthy relationship allows me to feel safe all the time, no matter what. I know what is going on, I know where I stand and how we feel. It is good to feel secure. I believe these feelings will carry me and us through the month or so of his trip.