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These feelings aren't going away. I think they are progressing quickly into unmanageable if they aren't there already. I don't know. Today should have been good and it was but I have just felt so completely inadequate and insecure as of late. My head is fuzzy and being with people I love should be simple. I just, and I'm regretfully embarrassed to say this, am having a really difficult time being around people who are underweight. Natural or not. I hate it because I don't see them or base their worth on their bodies; I guess that I am just in this fragile state where I am both grossly jealous of them and so disappointed/Angry at myself for being gross. I hate it. I hate having these obnoxious habitual thoughts. I just want to be done with it. I just want to like myself. I don't know, I'm just exhausted...