[The Professor]

My therapist gave me a really good book about managing anxiety without medication. Although we both agree that I should stay medicated, it doesn't make the help inside the book any less helpful. I read most of it yesterday and wrote down important things in my (paper & pen) journal (which is really cute btw... birds and such). A lot of what was inside I'd definitely heard before but there was some new stuff and some old stuff reworked. It also never hurts to remember all the old things. The year before we got married I was so motivated to be top notch by the time of our wedding. I wanted to be emotionally ready for anything. And I was until we got married and moved away from all the things that I had kept as help. I didn't account for a new place. For some reason I thought I would easily be able to adjust and find new happy places and activities. I'd never moved outside of that immidiate area though. And I wasn't prepared. That combined with no dr network left me about a year in a half to regress to almost where I was at before.

I just, I feel like I've done this before. I have to keep telling myself that it's not that it didn't work, I just got distracted and stopped using the tools I knew. And this time around of getting myself back into the real world, I can't even do it the same... Everything is different and there are so many new added stressors. and there always will be. So, I am reading books, keeping seperate lists of things to do when I'm anxious/verging on a panic attack, depressed, lonely, and insecure.
I don't have a therapy appt this week but tyler and I have our first marriage counseling session on Thursday. Here's hoping to it being a good fit.

So, we're going to the ocean in a couple weekends (if the weather holds) and I'd really like to be able to fit into a bathing suit (specifically top). I've been really good about not eating crappy foods (minus when I was waaasted the other day and Tyler bought me Mcdonalds I guess). I've also been doing more difficult yoga (cardio-yoga they call it) in the morning and sticking to my weight/resistance stuff in the later afternoons. I soo want to go for a jog but my breasts are just not going to cooporate, plus it's been like in the high 70's lately and as lovely as it is I'm sort of a huge baby when it comes to moving my body in the heat. waaah.

The bunny is good. I thought he hated me because he snuck into our bedroom and pooped and peed on my clothes but not Tyler's. Then Tyler told me that Dinosaur was just claiming me because he loves me... he loves his cage and poops everywhere in that!Oh and today when I woke up I found The Professor (photo below- I Love Tyler) waiting for me on top of Dinosaur's cage. Amazing! (except eating a giant chocolate bunny is sort of on my 'no' list currently... )
(note the bow tie, but no spectacles!)